End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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