Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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