i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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