i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
