Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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