She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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