I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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