She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
