My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
