Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
