Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize