4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
