I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
