My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
