3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
