She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
