dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize