even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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