the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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