Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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