my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize