Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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