he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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