I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
