Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize