Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
