just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
