Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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