New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
