Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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