Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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