you mean i was at the winter classic?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
