i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
