How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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