i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
