i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
