alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
