I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize