no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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