I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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