Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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