Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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