and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
