my mouth tastes like poor choices
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize