you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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