If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
