I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I could make wine with my vomit
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We need to get me chipped asap
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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