god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
