Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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