did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
