I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize