I heard we made out
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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