trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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