hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
