when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
