I am spending my child support on dildos
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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