I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize