He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
