That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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