So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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