Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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