i just made my gag reflex go away.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
