Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize