last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
