I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize