I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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