no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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