I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
