No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
