After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think people are normalizing furries
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