i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
sarcasm needs its own font
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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