do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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