We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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