Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
