why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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